Pitfall plunge

A chief complaint I hear on sites which are not essentially findom geared is how their messages tend to end up discarded,and that is even if they are read. Now this tends to be not the case on findom sites,but the information I am going to relay applies regardless of site.

To begin with lets address why these missives are disregarded.

1)How are you addressing the message? This can be quite important believe it or not. If you are starting it out with a canned title ie Miss,Maam,Mistress,then you are committing a faux pas that will not earn you a second glance. You may believe that you are showing deference,but by not reading the Lady's profile which should provide some indication of how she desires to be addressed,then you may in fact be insulting her. I know myself that I cannot stand being called Miss,Maam,or even Mistress,and believe me boys,I am not alone in that. Another reason why this is not in your best interests is that it is indicative of a chain post,meaning that one types up a single message,and spams it to 50 different females employing an umbrella term(see above titles) which they believe to apply to the mass rather than the individual. This type of message is not viewed in a positive light,and generally ends with the sender being blocked. Solution=do not do it. Take the time to read a female's profile,personalize your message by including her username,and what it was about her that led you to reach out ie her interests,fetishes. Do not,and I repeat do not convey that you contacted her based on her appearance,for that is shallow and selfish.

2)The body of your missive should not be comprised of vulgarity(wank spank language or bar behavior),text speak(lazy,immature),or sentences which begin with "I want,I like,I need" as this coveys to the reader that you are in the scene for you,that you come only to cum,to get yours,that you are concerned with only yourself(selfish sots are not submissive). The impression you want to impart is one of servile respect for her as a dominant woman,and human being.

3)Do not add photo attachments to your message. If the Lady in question desires to know what you look like,she will ask,so tamp down that impulse. It is presumptive,and rude.

4)End your missive with appreciation that she has taken the time to read it,and invite her to view your profile if she finds you of interest.

5)Do not contact her again until she has responded. Desperation,neediness,and aggression are the only things you are relaying with repetitive and redundant missives. Remember that you are here to serve her,on her time and schedule,and that she may be busy with others,so be a good boy and wait your turn.

6)Another huge and I do mean huge mistake you could be making is in the photo section of your profile. If and when a female does take a gander at your profile,she is going to be immediately soured on you if she is flashed with images of your penis,testicles,or asshole. I realize that some of you are not comfortable with your face being attached to your profile on a fetish site,but there are other options. Put up a photo of your pet if you have to,but do not comprise your photo album of dick picks,or vulgarity,and if you do not know what that word means,then google it.

7)Make sure to actually fill out your profile. Yes I realize that it is not a fun undertaking for many of you,but it is in your best interests to do it. List your limits,what you seek,and how you can be of value in a D's relationship,essentially what you bring to the table. It is wise to note your level of experience too,as well as interests outside of kink,yup we want to know you as a person.

8)I mentioned it up above,but it definitely needs prime attention! Read her profile before you contact her,and yes that means the entire thing,including her interests. This will save you wasted effort,in that if you are an adult baby,sissy,scat lover etc...and she happens to list these activities as hard limits for her,then you should not contact her...move along.

9)Last but not least. If your message looks like this "I wish you were closer","You are hot,beautiful,sexy" "hi,hello" then hit the backspace tab,and do NOT send it.


Now the next time you locate a female whom you believe that you would suit serving,think back on what I have said before you let your fingers run away with you and ruin any chance you may have had.

My happiness is your nirvana.

The richest qualities and traits of a servant

I have taken a moment to compile a list of the most desirable qualities and traits of which a servant/submissive/slave should possess if they are truly to be an asset to whom they serve.

Integrity
Loyalty
humility
discipline
honesty
generosity
Intelligence
Courage
Mental&emotional maturity&stability
sincerity
gratitude
consistency
selflessness

Notice that integrity is listed first,as I find it to be the most significant. The remaining are typed into the order in which they entered my thoughts.

Why is integrity of such importance? Integrity to me means that an individual will conduct themselves and their behavior in an honest and sincere manner. They adhere to a code of ethics which would instill self-discipline and loyalty due to morals. It takes one whom possesses a strength of character to act with integrity,for they are not swayed by temptation,nor susceptible to weakness which would lead them from the path they know to be correct.

Loyalty for the purpose of service means that one is faithfully devoted to their owner,and strictly adheres to their commitment.

Humility: A humble servant is modest in word and deed,knowing that he serves a superior woman,therefore boasting is ill received.

Discipline A servant whom is disciplined in mind(no I am not referring to corporal punishment or mind control) is one that possesses self-control,thereby allowing him to act with integrity.

Honesty is used interchangeably by many with integrity,but remember integrity is how you conduct yourself,and honesty is adherence to facts...meaning that an honest servant will not utter a lie,nor speak deceitfully. This is another huge one for you boys. Only those whom are dishonest make promises they knowingly or willingly will not keep.

Generosity is a trait most valued especially in financial domination,but it is not contained to it. A servant that is generous will give of his time,energy,and finances. He is not a scrooge that gives nothing,and expects it all.

Intelligence: According to the multiple intelligence overview there are 9 count them 9 types of intelligence. Intelligence is beautiful! An intelligent servant offers more than financial contributions(but one does not replace the other). Being able to converse with a servant upon absolutely non-fetish related subjects is refreshing and rare.

Courage: It takes courage to kneel before another. You are trusting them to lead you. You are giving up yourself(power) to them. Courage bows before their owner,whilst cowardice scurries away like a timid mouse.

Mental&emotional maturity&stability: What a mouthful :) It boils down to being able to deal with life and relationships even those of the D's variety without resorting to childish antics (brattiness ie throwing fits when you do not get your way,or worse yet passive aggressive behavior). Both behaviors are unacceptable and immature.

Sincerity is a virtue which promotes acting in a "real" manner,one that is true to how they feel and think(no hypocrisy). It is being both honest and pure.

Gratitude: The act of being thankful. A worthy servant is grateful to have the opportunity to serve. They display their gratitude willingly and without coercion.

Consistency is enacted through the everyday actions of a servant. They provide a continuity of service and tribute sans interruption not related to health or well being. They do not serve one Lady one day,then be off to another the next.

Last but certainly NOT least is selflessness. Selflessness is apparent when a servant serves with no thought of what they may get out of their actions,or in the case of findom,their tribute. They serve because it is who and what they are,not because they are looking to get something out of it,other than the honor of being of use,and their actions bringing happiness to another.


These are only but a few of the ones which came readily to mind. If you have others,then do feel free to enlighten me :)

No cam for me please

One of the most prevalent queries posed to me is "Why don't you cam?". Now my response is usually confined to an all encompassing answer "Because I do not want to". This hardly is a satisfactory reason for a great many obviously,so I decided that I would provide something more in depth.

Cam is the name of the game these days,oh that and skype,which by the way is popular WHY...cam of course. You cannot look to any findom forum without seeing cam sessions on skype advertised,and that is all well and good for those that choose it,but taking this as a granted practice for all is a mistake in the making.

Now onto why I do not cam. Is it because I think myself too good for it,NO. Is it because I fear people seeing my face,NO(I have tons of photos to disprove this theory). What could my reasoning be? Simple. I see camming as objectification,and there is entirely too much of that in the world today,why would I desire to become part of the problem rather than the solution. I know I know,what I said is going to upset some,for they deem cam empowering,so I say to them whatever floats your boat,but do not stamp down just because my thoughts are not synonymous with yours.It is the very differences which make us unique.

How does cam objectify a woman. Let's take a close look at the dynamics shall we. Cam sessions are associated with paying clients. A client is one which in this case is paying for a show,whether it be of feet,breasts,vagina,or even entire body. Do you see what I am saying? They are paying to objectify a body part. They are using the vision of a woman's body to masturbate,just like they always have done,and this equates to objectification in my eyes. Does anyone truly believe that the client cares for the woman on the screen(if you do,then I have some prime swamp land to sell you). You could of course reason that everyone is getting what they want out of the deal,he gets off,and she gets paid. Win win yes? Nope. All that has been done is to fuel the male objectification of females.

Yes I am aware that I am not making friends with my statements,but that is ok. Some are even asking "why do you care,I can do what I want,and it does not affect you"...here is the crux though,it does affect others. I am 100% for female empowerment,but I do not see cam sessions as a promotion of that ideology,so do as you will,for you will anyway,but for me ,I will traverse the road less taken. This does not make me better than any Ladies who offer this service,but it does make me different.

It is said that if you do not cam,then males will not seek you out to serve,and I can see how one would arrive at that conclusion. I have seen with my own eyes how males bee line straight to the ladies in a chatroom whom have their cam on,and suddenly begin serving them,and that is good and fine,for it once more solidifies that I am not seeking the average male in my stable,so I am more than pleased to see those spoils go to others.

A subject which many do not discuss is how I am going to tie in my point of dissension from the "norm",and why I see no need for me to cam.

Every Sunday morning,and most likely Wednesday evenings where do you see people congregate. A church yes. Now these people worship God,they memorize his words(the holy bible),they tithe in his honor,yet they have never seen his face. They have not once done a skype cam session with him to ascertain if he is "real",so how is it that millions of human beings can take his existence as a divine being on faith alone? The answer is clear. They want to believe,they want to serve their Master,they want to empower his name. Of course some call them fools(not I),rather I would call them blessed. Why? Well because they find their happiness in serving,they find purpose for their lives...all without a single cam session,wow,looks like Christians are better servants than the majority of males in the fetish scene doesn't it?

I equate serving me in a similar way. Only for my servants,my blog is their bible,my inbox is their pew,and their tribute is the tithe with which they worship. All of this is done without a single cam session. My words prove that I am real. My actions uphold my worthiness of worship,and serving me provides a purpose in their lives. One which involves them upholding me as their divine Goddess. A relationship where they devote their very lives to me,and why,because they know that women are meant to be obeyed and honored,not objectified as sexual release objects.

Do you see what I see

Many times those we encounter in the scene are not exactly as they seem. Not that I am implying them guilty of deception,for human beings are capable of deluding even themselves,and then one must take into account self defense mechanisms set in place. The fetish scene is not known resoundingly for it's acceptance,but then there is judgement and condemnation permeating any group within society,and even though it is pleasant to pretend that fetish folks are beyond this type of behavior,they are not.

So I ask,do you ever truly delve into whom someone you are interacting with may be,and no I do not mean being a stalker to find out their legal name and place of residence. I am referring to probing beneath the shallow surface of what is shown to you. Is the cold hearted cruel beauty of a woman truly just that? Or is she merely a kind and caring being whom hides that aspect away? Of course this can be seen from the polar side ie is the male with the seeming overabundance of confidence honestly that sure of himself,or is he hiding a frightened of the world and it's disdain spirit behind the mask?

It is so much easier to place the focus upon aspects such as fetish interests and role play,out of fear of having another actually know us as human beings,and this I see as an unfortunate mistake. Whilst it is fun and invigorating to get caught up in the excitement of serving or being served,if that is all there is then can this really be called a D's relationship? I fear not.

Some of you sadly may not even know what a vanilla relationship entails,much less a D's one. A relationship of any type leaves one vulnerable. Vulnerable to being hurt,to being disappointed,to being left behind,but then if we do not take chances,we have already lost. There is no time like the present though,so open up your shells,click mute on the voice in your head which is screaming "no,people may not like me" and simply be you.

Dive into deeper waters,and stop swimming in the kiddie pool,lest you realize one day when you are drawing breath,that you held your walls so high,that no other could possibly connect with who you really are. Yes it is scary,but then anything new generally is. The rewards though are much sweeter,for to be respected,to be adored,to be understood and accepted as you are,is unlike any feeling in the world.

X marks the spot

Rather misleading title as one most likely would assume that I am referring to buried treasure,alas I am not.The context of this post is to discuss my thoughts on what has become so very everyday and ordinary visually on sites aside from genital pics. What could that possibly be Goddess? Take a gander and you shall see. Do a tally for me of how many photos you note of a male with writing in marker on his flesh. Alot yes?

I understand that some view this type of photo as humiliation play,but is it really? Considering that you do not see the person's face thereby leaving them anonymous actually voids true humiliation. I mean seriously it does not make one stand out when every tom dick and harry have such a photo up for display now does it. Rather it renders it common and ordinary. Not shocking nor risque,and why would it induce laughter at the models expense? It wouldn't,and I do not care how many times the word slut or bitch is scribed across their abdomen. The point being,how humiliating can it be for strangers to see someone they wouldn't know if they met them on the street? Now if they were to post that exact photo with their face shown freely to the world at large,only then may it make a difference in my opinion,or better yet have them walk around their neighborhood,into the salon where their mother gets her hair done,or even a public place where friends and colleagues might see them,then that would indeed be humiliation,but not so on a forum where you have no true name,nor identity outside of a faux username.

Now on the other hand such a photo is used to profess that a male is owned property. An emblem to ward off the interest of possible passersby. Does it work? Sometimes I would say so,but not in all cases,for the most eager of females care not as to the status of owned,they are merely sniffing out a money trail. Does writing on the skin denote actual ownership,no. It is illegal to own another being,but one may say that their flesh, heart,mind,soul,and wallet are owned by so and so,yet in actuality it remains their personal decision to part ways if they fall into disinterest with the relations D's or otherwise. Meaning that a Domme only owns property which desires to be owned by them,and only until such time as the servant desires to be her servant no longer. A magic marker is not to be confused with a magic wand,and it will not keep a servant yours forever.

For me I care not for such displays as they are not permanent,nor an indication that a servant will be under your feet for longer than it takes to scrub it off. To me ownership is not proven with a marker. Now a brand or even a tattoo would be more appropriate as a sign of dedication,devotion,and loyalty. They are forever a sign and statement that a male is your property or has been. I will be the first to admit that such a step is not feasible for all servants as some do have a life and family commitments outside of the lifestyle which would make it impossible for them to wear visual reminders,and I am fully accepting of this. What matters to me cannot be viewed with the human eye anyway. Dedication,devotion,and loyalty are proven through the daily actions of a servant. Through their unswerving attention to your wants and needs. Through their sacrifice towards the happiness of their owner. These are the qualities which cannot be measured. They simply are,and I for one accept and appreciate more, a male whom will make my happiness the reason for his existence,than any male with magic marker decorating his body.

In closing I do believe that to each their own though,and my opinion is one amongst an entire ocean of them.

Out of order

One of the easiest ways to flip my welcome mat over is to approach me like you would a fetish machine, quarters out, punching in your selection for what you want. Unlike your local vending dispenser I offer only 2 choices, serve or do not serve. Once you have chosen, then either you relinquish control, or you disappear.  It leaves little room for confusion doing it this way.

My expectations are that when you come to me, that you have studied up on me (read my blogs, read my profile, for these are your bible verses) and have already decided that you are prepared to work towards becoming my loyal servant (this is a sign of sincerity), else wise why would you waste time approaching me, and believe me that yes it is a waste of time to contact me if you are not sure of mind. I recognize that many of you are new, and just finding your footing so to speak along the slippery slopes of service, which is why I advise you to wait til such time as you know exactly what you are agreeing to by entering into serving a Domme. Only fools rush in ill prepared. Are you a fool? Oh please do respond in the negatory, for there are entirely too many of those in life outside of the fetish world.

There are multitudes of differing styles when it comes to domination, but mine is fairly straightforward. I am old school in my ways. I believe that a collar or consideration is EARNED. It is not a given, and it takes more than a couple of tributes to get that distinction, so please do not for a moment in time allow yourself to think that I will make it easy for you. Any relationship, and I do mean any, requires effort, for anything just given to you, is pale in comparison to something that you have diligently applied yourself  towards achieving. I desire only those that are not fearful of working hard (sloth is a sin, not to mention ugly), that do not live in the magical land of entitlement (only in fantasies will you receive the golden ticket for a free ride) ,nor they whom see themselves as a buyer of domination (your money buys you nothing with or of me). A school where respect and manners are of the highest accord. The arena where gentlemen are favored and cads are fed to the lions (yup nice guys get a pass around the red rope which detains the reprobates).

Submission to me is a release (not a physical one, take note that chastity is my favored fetish)..a release of all the stress imposed upon you by a constricting life. In my realm you are allowed to let loose the hidden submissive which the world cannot accept. A safe haven where you can finally be what it is that you truly are. A dominion where there is no shock or disgust that your heart's desire is to kneel, to beg, to give yourself over to the power of another. What you will not find though, is a release from  consent. In my mind "force" is a four letter word. Never shall I force anything. I am not here to coax, cajole, bully, take, or seduce your submission. If you are not submitting of your own free will, than I do not desire your submission.

Now is that not a simple view for you? If not, then I will list off what you should have gathered from this post of mine.


1)Dommes are NOT objectified fetish machines
2)Know what it is that you want (serve or do not)
3)Hard work opens doors that money cannot
4)Gentlemen are desired
5)Force and entitlement are no nos
6)Consent is needed, consent is required, consent, consent, consent


                                                   

Prepare to be dominated.
Prepare to be subjugated.
Prepare yourself for total power exchange submission.