"I want to serve you". This is the single most common email I receive from males on the various sites,and this is generally the very last thing they actually have in mind of doing. Now I am not referring to the notorious timewaster when I say this,as many times it is not the intention behind the contact with me. Fortunately as well as unfortunately there are torrents of new to the lifestyle males entering the bdsm realm daily. Fortunate for the fact it displays to me that males are accepting and actively pursuing the fruition of their submissive natures,unfortunate in the reality that they are basing their notions of what serving is upon non-fiction ideals.
This creates disappointment on all fronts,for neither side is having their expectations met. The easiest action would be to dub the male in question a timewaster,or equally dubious,a wank watcher,whilst the male names the Lady he contacted a fake,scammer,instadomme,or fraud. How does anyone walk away from this exchange enriched?
This is surely a case where a bit of knowledge would have saved the day,and avoided a negative interaction. I have always preached research,and educating yourself about the nuances and practices of bdsm prior to jumping in. No doubt that many activities are best experienced first hand before deciding if they are truly what you desire,but it will never negate the purpose behind possessing knowledge of the basic bdsm principles. Otherwise you are going to be like a lost wandering little puppy.
First I advise you to tale a deep breath (more oxygen to the brain is a good thing :). Now take a mental scouring brush to your mind,and eradicate every single thought which you maintained of serving being based on you,or any of your most lurid orgasmic fantasies. Taking all preconceived notions of having your wants met out of the equation will lead you to a state of mind much more conducive to submission. Submission is relinquishing power,releasing control(not cum). It is placing yourself without reservations into the hands of a dominant being for their use. It is not a guarantee that you will love every single task before you,but then the enjoyment is not meant to be derived from the task itself,but from the pleasure the dominant receives upon your completion of it.
Service is not a 24/7 kinkfest,let's face it,that would be utterly exhausting if it was. It is not all glamorous,and picture worthy either. Serving a dominant is not always a sexy erection provoking joyride. It is work. It is effort. It requires more of you than a mere physical response. That is why it takes a strong individual to kneel in submission.
Never forget that dominants are human beings too. They have duties and obligations outside of their servants,which means that they are not your handy dandy johnny on the spot kink candy dispenser. They do not ascribe to the myths which depict them clad in leather and lace minute by minute awaiting to tease and tantalize the senses of submissive males,that would be a selfishly absurd thought,now wouldn't it? Nor would it be realistic to assume that they idle their time away engaging in sexual scenes and acts portrayed in pornographic films. That is not to say that they do not engage in erotically charged sessions,just that they are not likely to with you.
Once you are able to take "self" out of the equation,then and only then will you be ready to serve. This is why your ego is not a positive attribute,egos are things which generate entitlement and the illusion of superiority,and in the beautifully exotic realm of service,you are not superior,it is your service which should bear that adjective,not you personally.
Now ask yourself one simple question. Are you really ready to serve?
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